Preview Mode Links will not work in preview mode

Solutions...with Courtney Anderson! What is Holding You Back from Surpassing Your Goals? Business. Legal. Life.


Informed…Not Simply Outraged. 

Attorney. Author. Humorist. Professor. Award-winning International Strategic Leadership Innovator, Courtney Elizabeth Anderson, J.D., M.B.A., M.S. (CourtneyAnderson.com), is "The Workplace Relationship Expert" ™ , executive director of the International Workplace Relationship Council, and practices the "Joyful Art of Business!"™ around the world. 

Leading workplace relationship policy expert who has advised various domestic and international entities including Boeing, Cirque du Soleil, The United States House of Representatives and Wal-Mart. Media appearances include: BusinessWeek, MSNBC, The Wall Street Journal, FOX News, Cosmopolitan, CNN International, USA Today, CNN - HLN, The Christian Science Monitor, HuffingtonPost, Sorbet magazine (Dubai) and many more. She has worked for global clients in North America (USA, Canada, Mexico), Africa (South Africa), Asia (Japan, Hong Kong, Indonesia, India), Australia and Europe (Italy, The Netherlands, Spain).

"Solutions…with Courtney Anderson!" is a weekly show that delivers pragmatic concepts and tools that will permit you to surpass your goals!

 

Copyright © 1999 - 2011 Courtney Anderson & Associates, LLC; © 2012-2017 Courtney Anderson Enterprises LLC; © 2018 AndBro Enterprises LLC dba International Workplace Relationship Council. All rights reserved.

Aug 4, 2014

SITE: http://www.courtneyanderson.com/swca-episode-160-help-situation-spotlight-series-i-want-to-be-someone-else.html

SHOW NOTES: In our HELP! SITUATION SPOTLIGHT™ series, we shine the light on challenges that community members have shared. This episode is, “I want to be someone else.”

The title of this episode makes me sad. One of the fascinating and wonderful aspects of being alive is that we have characteristics that are uniquely ours. Most of us have unique DNA and even identical twins are rarely completely the same (http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/identical-twins-genes-are-not-identical/). All of us are unique in terms of the way we express ourselves (via our behavior).  “Researchers have identified that every individual creates a unique pattern of physical behaviour including the speed at which they type, the way they move a mouse of the way they hold a phone. About 500 different behaviours are unique to every individual and, taken together, form what they call "eDNA", or electronically Defined Natural Attributes.” (http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/jul/18/how-your-electronic-dna-could-be-the-secure-login-of-the-future)

Thus, since we are “one of a kind” why would we want to be anyone else? 

At the core of someone expressing that they want to be someone else is dissatisfaction with themselves combined with unrealistic fantasies of other people’s lives. In terms of dissatisfaction with ourselves, a few points.

1) “Perfection” does not exist. 

Entropy is one of the reasons why as, “Entropy describes how nature -- including business operations -- is the movement from order to chaos.” (from http://yourbusiness.azcentral.com/entropy-business-26522.html)

You will experience moments of subjective perceptions of perfection (a “perfect date”, “perfect meal”, “perfect score”, etc.) yet the entire system we are in is moving toward disorder. Thus, you are no more and no less “perfect” than other other person.

2) How will you be this other person?

They already exist (if they are a real person and not a fictional character). There is no method that I am currently aware of to permit you to transfer your brain into another person’s body (or vice versa) or to reanimate deceased people and then transfer brains and or/ bodies. Therefore, this a moot point (being someone else).

In terms of unrealistic fantasies of other people’s lives:

3) Who do you want to be?

Is it a friend, family member or famous person? It is a normal part of growing up to look to other people as role models to help us begin to understand who we are (I used to tape pictures of older teens and adults that I looked up to on the pictures of my room as a young teenager!). “Since identity formation is a central focus during adolescence, adolescents are particularly likely to be influenced by the adults in their environment (Erikson, 1968). Adolescents often look to adults in order to determine appropriate and acceptable behavior, as well as to identify models of who they want to be like.” (J Youth Adolesc. Jul 2009; 38(6): 777–789). 

As we mature into adults, we define ourselves. We are who we want to be like instead of seeking out other people to copy their behaviors. 

4) Why do you want to be this other person?

It is because you think that their lives are “better” than your life. How do you know this? Have you ever admired who you thought someone was and then later found out that you did know them at all? We have this in popular culture all the time where someone who is admired (for their wealth, accomplishments, talent, beauty, etc.) is found out to be living a life of self destructive behavior. You don’t know that their life is like behind closed doors but you do know what your life is like. All that glitters is not gold (even if people want you to think that it is). 

5) Data is your friend. 

You must get a better understanding of how your life really is in comparison to other people (not based on social media and other forms of marketing images that we want people to believe). Here are some potential resources for you to check and see how other people really are living (so that you will stop taking your good fortune for granted): 

- http://www.census.gov/topics.html

-http://www.pewresearch.org/data  

- http://unsdsn.org/resources/publications/world-happiness-report-2013/

6) Feeling better about yourself by “enhancing” different aspects of yourself (better nutrition, better stress management, etc.) is healthy! 

Yet, this behavior may be detrimental if it becomes unhealthy and/ or excessive (remember, all things in moderation). Ask these questions to maintain a healthy perspective on self-improvement/ self-enhancement: 

-Are you content with yourself without your “enhancements”? 

-When is the last time you were out without your enhancements?

Where is the line between self-improvement and self-hatred? Ensure that you remain aware of the demarcation in your life.

You are you. That is a done deal. Accept that you are one of a kind, make friends with yourself and enjoy the rest of your journey as yourself!

© Courtney Anderson Enterprises LLC 

CourtneyAnderson.com

Info@CourtneyAnderson.com