Jul 30, 2014
SITE: http://www.courtneyanderson.com/swca-episode-157-joyful-art-of-business-series-fake-it-til-you-make-it.html
SHOW NOTES: In our JOYFUL ART OF BUSINESS™ series we explore how to combine the positive benefits of our professional endeavors (“business”) with the overall positive emotional return on our efforts (“joy”). The act of engaging in professional endeavors, in any capacity (i.e., as an employee, employer, entrepreneur, contractor, volunteer, paid, full time, part time, intermittently, etc.) is an expression of our ideas and creative talents (“art”). All of this is in furtherance of our mission to surpass our goals! Our episode today is, “Fake it ’Til You Make It?”
This is a popular concept and we need to really explore what it means!
1) What are we faking?
Confidence.
2) What is confidence?
Belief in yourself that is communicated to other people. It strongly correlates to power as people believe in leaders who believe in themselves.
“Perhaps the clearest, and most useful, definition of confidence we came across was the one supplied by Richard Petty, a psychology professor at Ohio State University, who has spent decades focused on the subject. “Confidence,” he told us, “is the stuff that turns thoughts into action.” (http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/04/the-confidence-gap/359815/)
3) Why are we faking it?
Because it is necessary, we don’t have it and we know it. Effective (and contented) leaders (of an organization, of a family, of a group, etc.) believe in themselves and then have a much easier time having other people follow their lead.
“A growing body of evidence shows just how devastating this lack of confidence can be. Success, it turns out, correlates just as closely with confidence as it does with competence.” […] “When people are confident, when they think they are good at something, regardless of how good they actually are, they display a lot of confident nonverbal and verbal behavior,” Anderson said. He mentioned expansive body language, a lower vocal tone, and a tendency to speak early and often in a calm, relaxed manner. “They do a lot of things that make them look very confident in the eyes of others,” he added. “Whether they are good or not is kind of irrelevant.” Kind of irrelevant. (http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/04/the-confidence-gap/359815/)
4) So, what is the problem with faking it?
Everyone else knows that we don’t have it and are just faking it.
“Fake confidence, he told us, just doesn’t work in the same way. Studies Anderson is now conducting suggest that others can see the “tells.” No matter how much bravado someone musters, when he doesn’t genuinely believe he is good, others pick up on his shifting eyes and rising voice and other giveaways. Most people can spot fake confidence from a mile away.” (http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/04/the-confidence-gap/359815/)
5) What does it mean when we “make it”?
It means we finally have confidence.
The concept (fake it ’til you make it) is that we don’t have confidence and we pretend that we do until some future undefined time when we finally possess it. The problem is that does not work. How will someone magically possess confidence at some future undefined time when don’t have it initially? What would change?
The idea, potentially, is that someone without confidence pretends to have it (fakes it) and that if everything goes well and they succeed over time that success will magically teach them to possess confidence. That fails in real life because it rarely happens that everything goes well and each time a person without confidence (a faker) is confronted with failure, it reinforces their lack of confidence. Even in the rare event that almost everything or everything is a huge success (according to external metrics) a person without confidence will continue to doubt that “they deserved it” and will self-sabotage. This is how people who are famous and/ or acclaimed are still able to destroy themselves (“I won the championship but I don’t deserve it so I will abuse drugs”, “I am an award winning artist but I feel like I’m not good enough so I will spend all of money and go bankrupt trying to make other people like me”, etc.)
6) So, what do we do?
Don’t fake it. Have it.
“True overconfidence is not mere bluster. Anderson thinks the reason extremely confident people don’t alienate others is that they aren’t faking it. They genuinely believe they are good, and that self-belief is what comes across.” (http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/04/the-confidence-gap/359815/)
7) How do we have it?
Believe in yourself. It is free. You have thoughts that tell yourself a narrative that you “genuinely believe” that you are good. You have the ability to think new thoughts. You also have the ability to observe your current existing thoughts. If you are able to not have confidence (by telling yourself in your thoughts, “You are an idiot”, “You are going to fail”, etc.) you are able to have confidence (by telling yourself in your thoughts, “You are a good person”, “You are going to succeed”, etc.). It is the same process. Which outcome do you choose?
Don’t fake it ’til you make it. Have it and hold it.
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